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This Ain't the Smurfs XXX DVD Front

This Ain’t the Smurfs XXX

Year: 2012
Runtime: 78
Distributor: Hustler Video
Studio: Hustler Video
Our Score

Last month Andy San Dimas, via her twitter, lamented that the porno parody genre was dead. The fact that Axel Braun (who gave us the decent “Spider-Man XXX: A Porn Parody” last year) is now pillaging a failed Hollywood live-action venture based on a 30 year old Saturday morning children cartoon (which itself was based on a 60 year old Belgian comic strip), for ideas, makes this readily apparent.

 

Heavy green-screen usage and actors doused in blue paint and fitted with big plastic ears and hooked noses, can be off-putting (as evidenced by some of the comments I’ve read for the film – “How could they do this to my Lexi?”), but when you’re renting a Smurf porn knock-off, what do you expect? For what it’s worth, the 3-D here is the best I’ve seen in a porno. Seems Axel, forever indulging his weird cosplay blue-skin fetish, has finally worked out some of the technical kinks. Anyone remember that “Avatar Parody” debacle from a couple of years ago?

 

Holding slightly to the 2011 Raja Gosnell film, Brainy Smurf (Jeremy Conway), Papa Smurf (“Fucking The Oldies” star J. Crew) and Smurfette (Lexi Belle – perfectly cast and, god, so fucking adorable!) find themselves accidentally transported to modern day California (the Valley, of course; more specifically, Hustler HQ) and are immediately taken in by receptionist, Nicole Aniston. In short time, Lexi Belle, the only female in the blue-skinned trio, is being offered a chance to appear in her very own porno – that is until Constance aka Sansette Smurfling (Charley Chase), created by Gargamel (Barry Scott – his flamboyant, over-the-top acting style fitting in nicely with the eccentric mad scientist character) in his lab and teleported there (why again?), arrives to offer her some competition. Watch for long-time Hustler photographer Bill Diehl, in a nonsex (thank you!) cameo, as the guy who offers both gals a chance at carnal stardom for a million dollars.

 

Nicole Aniston (2011’s “Boffing The Babysitter 8“), playing the sexiest secretary E-V-E-R!, is looking for something alive and small that she can carry in her purse as a fashion accessory, you know, like that twit socialite. Unlike Paris, however, cute puppies aren’t Nicole’s thing. Cue the arrival of the three Smurfs. Her non-reaction at three blue-skinned humanoids standing about 3 apples tall is priceless. Only in porn. She decides to stow them in the equipment room until her shift ends. When Evan Stone (2011’s “Allie Haze: True Sex“) pops in to pick up a camera for a shoot later that day, Aniston is forced to distract him with, yeah, sex. He’s not really interested. His “catch me at work, babe” line is hilarious. Nicole is one of the sexiest gals working today (even with the boobjob) and she’s able to coax a decent scene out of the deranged Stone. They screw in five positions and it climaxes with Stone climaxing across Aniston’s silicone-enhanced chest and stomach.

 

Teleported to the Hustler building for reasons that are never fully explained, Constance/Sansette Smurfling, a sort of evil female Smurf (well, not really evil, just uninhibited, I guess. Basically if Christina Saunders was a Smurf, she’d be Sansette)  happens upon Papa and Brainy inside the closet. Chase’s sexual double entendres  and flirtatious ways leave the boys drooling and ready for some threeway loving. Given Smurfette’s prudishness, and their blue balls (sorry), it makes sense. J. Crew (credits: Jay Crew) and Jeremy Conway (2010’s “Midnight Prowl 18“) share a svelte-looking Charley Chase (2009’s “Hollywood Whore“) in a sloppy-blue threesome that illuminates the hazards of skin on skin contact, sweat and make-up. Chase looks uncomfortable but never loses her enthusiasm even as the boys are trading off her holes (mouth and pussy only) and spurting their gooey crap across her face and chest. “I’m smurfing!” Conway growls as he spurts his genetic rubbish at her.

 

Wandering around the house that Larry built, Lexi Belle (2011’s “OMG It’s The Nanny XXX Parody“) meets up with famed Hustler photographer Bill Diehl who finds her distinct look (inch tall blue people with big ears and large noses) to be a major turn-on. He immediately sees dollar signs and hints that he would like to stick her in a movie, even offering up a million dollar payday as an incentive. “I’m a good girl,” she tells him, shunning his grand offer. The other blue girl, Charley Chase, soon joins the fray and convinces her that she should loosen up and put on a show for him. With a digitally imposed over-large table surface lurking in the backdrop (completely removing me from whatever intimacy that may be occurring on-screen), the two girls lick the blue paint off of each others hot crotches before smurfing themselves (and each other) with dildos.

 

Upset that Charley is taking too long and desperate for a cup of java, Gargamel (“Gang Bang Darlings 8” star Barry Scott) scoots through the teleporter and into the Hustler HQ. Lexi is shocked to learn that her new blue-skinned gal pal is actually a consort of Gargamel. Scott wants to put his penis inside Smurfette, so Chase implores Lexi to service her master. Lexi reluctantly agrees, sucking his cock and taking him in three positions. Probably the only scene in the film worth mentioning, as both bring the right amount of enthusiasm to their sexing. He squirts on her chest. Brainy and Papa catch the whole thing on camera-phone and Lexi is horrified to find her image splashed across Hustler Magazine. As we always say to the gals begging us at the IAFD to remove their profiles on a weekly basis: she signed the release, she accepts the smurfin‘ consequences.

No condoms.

No production dates given. Release Date: 5/10/2012.

 

Released in a 2 disk set. Disk 1 is a 2-D version. Disk 2 is a 3-D version.

Posted by JLB-Videotramp | 16 May 2012 | Reviews

6 Comments

  1. […] of juice built up. She cleans him off. Over-sexed herself, Lexi Belle (star of 2012′s “This Ain’t The Smurfs XXX” and at 30 other movies this year) brings an equal amount of spunk to the sexing. Sadly, even […]

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    18 Aug 2012, 4:57 am

    […] an improvement. Prior to executing her, Katwoman flashes back to the night when Max Maximus (“This Ain’t The Smurfs XXX” star Evan Stone) caught her rummaging through his office. Rather than call the police, he […]

  3. Teacher’s Pet 16 « VideoTramp
    02 Feb 2013, 11:49 am

    […] box: Brooke) is having trouble comprehending what her economics tutor, J. Crew (2012′s “This Ain’t The Smurfs XXX“), is teaching mainly because she is too over-heated to pay attention. He explains that, […]

  4. […] Jayden Lee (2012′s “Up My Asian Ass“) and Barry Scott (2012′s “This Ain’t The Smurfs“), permission to have sex in one of the backrooms. Is that legal? With Bruce Seven’s […]

  5. […] or even a well-meaning, fawning possible love interest (Wood), Nicole Aniston (2012′s “This Ain’t The Smurfs XXX“), currently under contract with Penthouse after winning their much ballyhooed Pet of The […]

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Cast & Crew

Female Performers:
Male Performers:
Directors:
Producers:
Wardrobe:
Make-up:
Camera Operator:
  • Eli Cross
Set Design:
  • XXX Ray
Lighting:
  • Shaun Rivera
Gaffer:
  • Sly
Grip:
  • Dizzy Cash
Still Photographer:
  • Bill Diehl
Compliance:
  • Safron Falls
Sound Technicians:
  • Big Time George
  • Marie Joyce
  • Seth Cardigan
Production Assistant:
  • Lowe Angers
Talent Co-ordinator:
  • Julia Gulia

Images

This Ain't the Smurfs XXX DVD Front
This Ain't the Smurfs XXX Title
Lexi Belle and Jeremy Conway in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Lexi Belle in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
 J. Crew in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Jeremy Conway in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Lexi Belle, J. Crew and Jeremy Conway in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Lexi Belle, J. Crew and Jeremy Conway in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Nicole Aniston in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Nicole Aniston and Evan Stone in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Nicole Aniston and Evan Stone in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Nicole Aniston and Evan Stone in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Barry Scott in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Charley Chase in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Charley Chase in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Charley Chase, J. Crew and Jeremy Conway in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Charley Chase, J. Crew and Jeremy Conway in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Charley Chase, J. Crew and Jeremy Conway in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Lexi Belle in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Bill Diehl in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Charley Chase and Lexi Belle in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Charley Chase and Lexi Belle in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Charley Chase and Lexi Belle in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Charley Chase and Lexi Belle in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Barry Scott in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Lexi Belle and Barry Scott in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
Lexi Belle and Barry Scott in This Ain't the Smurfs XXX
This Ain't the Smurfs XXX DVD Back