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Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody DVD Front

Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody

Year: 2011
Runtime: 151
Distributor: Vivid
Studio: Vivid
Our Score

I totally geeked out, to borrow a phrase from Harry Knowles, when I screened this much anticipated parody. Oh, did I ever. As a life-long fan of the series, I couldn’t help but giddily pick away at Braun’s altered dialogue strands and/or sequences and marvel at way the way he inserted them into a porn film context. I practically had a porn geek-gasm when porn legend Tom Byron arrived as quiet cool Obi Wan, wielding a malfunctioning light sabre and iffy English accent. Just awesome! Is this really happening, I asked myself?

Axel Braun has done such a magnificent job pornifying George Lucas’ classic 1977 sci-fi blockbuster that I’m sure “Star Wars” geeks around the world will feel the need to add this to their collection regardless of where they stand on porn. Braun re-creates Lucas’ space opera almost scene for scene while adding his own creative dashes, some of which work (C-3PO is hilariously voiced by the flamboyantly gay Chi Chi LaRue) and some of which don’t (Luke Skywalker is played as a dim-witted momma’s boy).

 

The special effects animation by 1313FX are surprisingly above par and, in some cases, better than the FX offerings of the film for which it is based. In my opinion, it’s about equal to some of the better Star Wars fan films (I’m thinking Star Wars: Revelations) out there available on the web. I guess it wouldn’t be much of a stretch to assume that the sizable budget Vivid bestowed this film with was primarily spent on the post-production special effects. Yes, they are that good. I haven’t even touched on the wardrobe and set design which are top notch and mimic perfectly that of the source film.

 

Regarding the casting, this where I found fault with the film, on the other hand, I’m not entirely sure who else Braun could have gotten to fill the various parts considered the limited acting talent available. With his work in “Saturday Night Fever XXX: An Exquisite Films Parody”, “Trash Talk” and “Iron Man XXX: An Extreme Comixxx Parody” Seth Gamble proved that he can act, however, in the role of Luke Skywalker, he falters. Gamble plays Skywalker as unlikeable, dense and cowardly. Whatever character arc the Skywalker character had in Lucas’ original film, is all but discarded in favour of a handful of unfunny gags. This is best exemplified in a segment near the end in which Skywalker/Gamble begs Solo/Reed to take him with him rather than engage the Empire in the big climactic battle. Rocco Reed (2011’s “Grindhouse XXX: A Double Feature“), porn’s current it boy, is another odd casting choice. He’s far too amiable for such a snake-like character. While he keeps his character more in tune with Ford’s rendering, I had trouble buying him as a tough guy much less a hot-headed space cowboy. As well, the back and forth between him and Leia/Haze feels slightly forced. I know, I’m nit-picking but that’s just what I took from the film. I think Xander Corvus would have been better suited for the part. Speaking of Allie Haze (2011’s “Allie Haze: True Sex“), aside from the lack of sexual tension between her and her co-star, she’s fantastic as the leader of Rebellion, Princess Leia, playing her as smart, feisty and a tad sarcastic, not unlike how Carrie Fisher played her.

 

Tom Byron (2010’s “House of Ass 13“), in the role of Obi Wan, is amazing. He’ the stand-out of the movie bringing his A-game to the project. Tom Byron has been appearing in adult films for nearly thirty years and he brings a certain gravitas to his mentor role.  His English accent wavers from time to time but it’s not bad considering that he’s orginally from Texas. Guinness’ slowed down, subdued dialogue delivery is doled out almost perfectly by Byron, who clearly spent many hours watching the original film if only to get his delivery right. The odd pairing of super-straight Tommy Gunn (2011’s “Official Bounty Hunter Parody 5“), in the R2 D2 role, with gay porn icon, Chi Chi Larue, in the C-3PO role, is hilarious. The hulking Hef Pounder (2011’s “Blair Witch Project: A Hardcore Parody“) also does good work, grunting his way through his role as the loveable wookie sidekick, Chewbacca. Eli Cross, as Grand Moff Tarkin, and Lexington Steele (2001’s “Chasing The Big Ones 9“), as Darth Vader, are also great in the roles.

 

Braun even decides to make reference to and then downplay the family ties between Vader, Luke and Leia. It’s a curious choice considering that Leia performs oral sex on Darth Vader, who either is or isn’t her father even within the context of this film (watch for the opening scroll) and later, engages in a threesome with Han Solo and Luke Skywalker, her brother (“It’s not like we’re related,” Haze says prior to taking Gamble’s penis into her mouth). Incest in the “Star Wars” universe? Yes, Braun goes there. I was less enthusiastic when Braun decided to re-work the infamous sequence in the Mos Eisley bar in which Obi Wan sliced off the arm of troublesome patron who had threatened to eviscerate a wide-eyed Skywalker. Here, Obi Wan slays the deformed patron (Kris Slater) for the crime of merely hitting on Skywalker. Yes, Axel, violence against gay people is funny. Ha ha! Not. Isn’t it ironic that two of the performers in this scene, Seth Gamble and Tom Byron, have both fucked men on camera.

 

“Episode IV: A New Hole” opens with the noted tilted-angle title card that outlines the details leading up to where this film commences. There’s something about how the Rebels have hacked into the Emperor’s Spacebook, planted a message, and stolen the plans to the Empire’s Deathstar, thus setting into motion the eventual final leg of the Rebel’s war against accident prone Galactic Empire. Since the events follow closely the events of the original film, I won’t bore you with details, instead I’ll just give you the basic plot points and get to the sex. That’s why you’re reading this anyway, right? In the opener, Leia’s ship is overrun by Vader’s Star Destroyer and she is taken hostage but not before loading a message into her Droid unit asking Obi Wan, legendary Jedi Knight, for help. The Droid, R2 D2, and his partner, C-3PO, are able to get away by jettisoning to the nearby planet of Tatooine.

 

Darth Vader (Lexington Steele) visits Leia (Allie Haze) in her cell to interrogate her about the location of the hidden rebel base. Leia is her usual insolent self and Vader likes it. Even though he’s a little rusty he decides to try out his mind control powers on her by forcing her to masturbate for him and, later, satisfy him orally. Wouldn’t this be classified as rape porn? Er… anyway, if you’ve ever fantasized about seeing Leia in a sexual situation (which is like every straight male currently alive), then this is your moment… kinda. Haze, her hair cocked up in buns (similar to what Fisher had in the original), slobbers on Steele’s huge black sabre until it’s exploding white cream all over her face and into her mouth. I haven’t even made mention of the whole incest angle, but there is a half-assed wise crack delivered prior to the blowjob that I have yet to made heads nor tails out of.

 

On Tatooine, Luke (Gamble) and his Uncle Owen (Nick Danger) purchase the Droids from the travelling Jawas. During a cleaning, Luke goes poking around on R2’s out-stretched nozzle, resulting in him ejaculating up a projection -Leia’s plea to Obi Wan for help. Luke shrugs it off until the next day when he has to go out in search of the Droid, which has taken off in search of Obi Wan. Upon catching up to him, Luke spies a pair of Sand People having sex with a Bantha (off-camera, thankfully). He is soon taken hostage but, as luck would have it, Obi Wan (Byron) arrives just in time to save him, and, well, snag a little tail from one of the less-skittish Sand People played by the yummy, pale-skinned Jennifer White (2011’s “Wet Dream On Elm Street“).

 

Byron, with his big fake beard, nudges his nose into her shaved twat, getting her ready for a solid dicking, which takes place on top of a land speeder. Yes, sex on a land speeder. Never thought I’d see that. Sand People are cave-dwelling savages and White has fun remaining in character, even when getting fucked in her ass. There’s something sexy about seeing a really pretty girl grunting, hissing and growling all animal-like while getting made love to. Byron spurts off a decent load across her face and into her mouth. She hisses at him and then rushes off into the mountains. Byron makes some comment about how that proved the perfect summation of his love life. Back at Obi Wan’s pad, Luke and Obi chat about Luke’s father and the great Clone Wars. Obi presents Luke with his father’s light sabre, leading to one of the film’s funniest lines: “Aunt Beru has one just like it, but it vibrates.” Luke shows Obi R2’s projection and Leia’s plea: “Come for me, Obi Wan. Come for me.”

 

The pair make their way to Mos Eisley spaceport looking for a pilot to fly them to Alderan. In the canteen, Luke and Obi stumble upon a rather colourful cast of characters while learning the difference between regular milk and Bantha milk. They eventually hook up with Chewbacca (Hef Pounder) and Han Solo (Rocco Reed) who agree to fly the pair to Alderan for the right price. There’s also that ugly scene I mentioned in an earlier paragraph, as well as Han Solo emptying his gun into Greedo (yes, Han shoots first — and often) and a pair of totally out of place sex scenes. In one of the booths, two alien hookers, Aiden Ashley and Kimberly Kane (2011’s Occupy My Ass“), both in funky dreadlocks, engage in some steamy girl on girl sex. Even with the cumbersome wig Kane is her usual aggressive self, flopping the much younger Aiden around as she endeavours to lick her shaved box and near-fist her to orgasm.

 

Across the bar, Gia DiMarco, Rihanna Rimes (2011’s “This Ain’t Lady Gaga XXX“), Danny Wylde (2011’s “Bikini Warriors“) and Derrick Pierce (2010’s “Tiny Teen Titties“), wearing huge devil horns, have a mostly forgettable fourway in a cramped, smoke-filled booth. I have to concede, Rimes looks strangely sexy in her weird headgear but the scene feels out of place within the context of the story. I was literally counting the minutes until it ended and we were allowed to return to the story. Considering the possibilities and sexual kinks that could have been flushed out in such a setting – a bar catering to various alien species – this scene proved highly unimaginative in the overall.  The boys blow their genetic goop spunk across their respective partner’s faces and the girls dutifully clean the boys off. Gia shows much more enthusiasm. Rimes just looks uncomfortable. No wonder.

 

Charging off towards the planet of Alderan, which has subsequently been destroyed by the Empire, although after multiple tries (a little joke within the movie), Obi suddenly senses a great disturbance in the force. “Either that or the pickle grape dragon I had for lunch is coming back on me,” he muses. Coming out of hyper-speed, they run headlong into an asteroid field (formerly known as Alderon) and in their haste to maneuver the deadly rocks, they are tractor-beamed inside the Death Star, which is lurking ominously nearby. The group are soon making plans to free themselves and the Princess from the Empire’s grasp. While Obi attempts to dismantle the tractor beam, Luke and Han figure out a plan to find and rescue Princess Leia. Back at the ship, Chebacca (Hef Pounder) is caught masturbating and decides to make time with a pair of horny storm troopers. Did I mention that all the storm troopers in this movie are hot females? No? Well, they are. Brandy Aniston (2011’s “This Ain’t Conan The Barbarian XXX – This Is A Parody“) and Eve Laurence, two busty brunettes, are quick to get out of their stuffy get-up and get some of that Wookie dick. They double up on him, each getting a turn riding his very human-looking penis. Brandy even takes him in her ass for a spin. Can only imagine how how hot (and itchy) it must have been inside that cumbersome-looking costume. Kudos to Hef. Afterwards, the ladies jerk/suck him to a huge load which he spurts across their faces. They swap his cum.

 

The rescue of Leia results in the film’s first real action set piece, including the jail cell firefight and subsequent sequence in which the group fling themselves headfirst into a giant dryer which is standing in for, of course, a garbage compactor. Apparently it wasn’t in the budget. Rushing back to the docked Millennium Falcon, they spy Obi and Darth engaging in a final battle to the death inside one of the hangers. Sadly, Obi’s sabre doesn’t have the juice it used to – no doubt the result of many years tucked away in caves boozing it up, and he gives up the ghost in glorious fashion. It’s a sacrifice that offers the group the few seconds they need to make their escape. Loved the stepping on the flask bit. Hilarious.

 

The final stretch of the film involves the Rebel Alliance launching their attack on the Death Star and Braun goes all out. This giant action-filled, sci-fi FX spectacle which also proves to be the film’s funniest 15 minutes as Tommy Pistol, Peter O Tool (2011’s “Spider-Man XXX: A Porn Parody“), Kylie Ireland (1995’s “Chug-a-lug Girls 5“), Ryan McLane, Brian Street Team (2011’s “Katy Pervy: The XXX Parody“) and Ryan Driller (2011’s “I, Mother Fucker“) – as the ill-fated Red Squadron – bounce some of the film’s most laugh out loud dialogue off each other. This is probably the moment I geeked out the most, even rewinding it and watching it again a second time. I’ll never think of “Stay on target!” the same way again. Too funny. Also funny is the notion of the Empire’s defeat coming not at the hands of a keen shooting farm boy and his heroic space cowboy friend but rather from an out of control grease fire is the absolute height of hilarity.

 

As a thank you for their hard work saving the galaxy (kinda), Leia decides to engage Luke and Han in a little threeway sex back in her chambers. Hey, it’s only proper. Luke has his V-card cashed in by, possibly, his sister but we won’t go there even if Braun does (again kinda). Curious to note that Gamble never actually has sex with Haze (no penis into vagina penetration), settling instead to have his cock sucked while she and Reed screw in a whole host of positions. For the finale, she swaps spit on both knobs and then they take turns blasting their sarlacc juice across her face and into her mouth. Sending the film out on a high-note, the trio are given a standing ovation. Bring on the sequel, Axel.

No condoms

Production Dates 05/16/2011 to 06/03/2011. Release Date: 02/22/2012

 

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Posted by JLB-Videotramp | 27 Feb 2012 | Reviews

7 Comments

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Cast & Crew

Female Performers:
Male Performers:
Directors:
Writers:
Producers:
Music:
Editors:
Make-up:
Executive Producers:
  • Axel Braun
  • Toni Brooks
Line Producer:
  • Shylar Cobi
Associate Producer:
  • Toby Farelle
Production Accountant:
  • Anita Wolf
Sound Technician:
  • Seth Cardigan
  • KK Ambie
Video Technician:
  • Sith Bam Boom
Still Photography:
  • Hank Hoffman
  • Shel Black
Director Of Photography:
  • Nic Danger
Gaffer:
  • W.S. Plumber
Grips:
  • Joe Spewmonte
  • Richard Cheezle
Art Director:
  • Andy Appleton
Production Designer:
  • K.L. Evans
Set Labor:
  • Brian Street Team
  • Angel Vain
  • E Man
  • Beto
  • Pro Villian
  • Dizzy Cash
  • Mischief Marie
Production Assistants:
  • Drisk
  • Mike Towers
Prop Master:
  • Belial
BTS:
  • Hank Hoffman
Videography:
  • Axel Braun
  • Eli Cross
  • Nic Danger
Post Production:
  • Dave Williams
Prop Designer:
  • Benjamin Airey
Profession:
  • Person One
  • Person One
Assistant Video Editor:
  • Marco Salvatores
Sound Design:
  • Daring Darrell
  • Brenda Blossom

Images

Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody DVD Front
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody Title
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Lexington Steele in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Allie Haze in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Allie Haze and Lexington Steele in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Nick Danger and Seth Gamble in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Seth Gamble in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Seth Gamble and girl in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Tom Byron and Jennifer White in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Jennifer White and Tom Byron in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Tom Byron in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Rocco Reed in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Aiden Ashley and Kimberly Kane in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Gia DiMarco, Rihanna Rimes, Danny Wylde and Derrick Pierce in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Hef Pounder, Tom Byron, Seth Gamble and Rocco Reed in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Allie Haze in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Allie Haze, Lexington Steele, Eli Cross, Lily Cade and guys in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Rocco Reed, Hef Pounder, Tom Byron and Seth Gamble in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Brandy Aniston and Eve Laurence in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Hef Pounder, Brandy Aniston and Eve Laurence in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Brandy Aniston, Eve Laurence and Hef Pounder in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Seth Gamble, Hef Pounder and Rocco Reed in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Rocco Reed, Hef Pounder and Seth Gamble in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Rocco Reed and Hef Pounder in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Rocco Reed and Allie Haze in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Lexington Steele and Tom Byron in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Ryan McLane in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Peter O Tool in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Kylie Ireland in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Ryan Driller in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Seth Gamble, Allie Haze and Rocco Reed in Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody DVD Back

Videos

Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody-official trailer
With the highest budget ever for an X-rated spoof, an all-star cast, and award-winning director Axel Braun’s legendary attention to detail, STAR WARS XXX: A PORN PARODY, a joint venture between Axel Braun Productions and Vivid Entertainment, is poised to become the most successful Adult movie of all times....
Posted by 23 Apr 2012 | Full Video Post »