If I were to put together a list of my least favorite porn studs, Canadian Erik Everhard would definitely shoot to the top. With his ego-driven need to insert his cock/ass/face into every frame of film, never-ending groaning, and robotic, emotion-devoid fucking style, he simply overwhelms every aspect of every encounter he’s featured in, until you almost forget that there’s another human being that he’s with, let alone a female one. When you watch an Erik Everhard scene, you know that the only thing that matters is Erik Everhard, the visual equivalent of every muscle-bound jock asshole you used to hate while growing up.

Five gonzo scenes that take place in a loft (Erik’s probably) overlooking a busy street (cars can be seen zipping by just outside the window). Only the last scene, with Jynx Maze playing a teacher, has any kind of set-up. The rest are just the usual tease and fuck routine we’ve all seen before. To give Erik a little credit, some of the butts on display here are exquisite.

 

Nikki Delano (2011′s “American Dad XXX: An Exquisite Films Parody“) shows off her ass for the camera first. It’s big and juicy. Too bad I know Erik is lurking just beyond it waiting to attack. Ug! “You’re so fucking sexy,” Nikki tells Everhard (2000′s “Nasty Nymphos 29“) over and over. Yeah, we get it! After hours of that nonsense, we finally get to the action. Erik has one speed (FAST!) and he never veers away from it. There’s no time for passion, emotion, orgasms (well, at least not the real kind) or anything burgeoning on what sex is supposed to be (you know, fun, passionate, hot). Nikki plays along, talking dirty and screaming like a banshee. He screws her sweaty in a half dozen positions before spraying off a load across her big booty.

 

Lexi Brooks (2011′s “Wet Dream On Elm Street“) is next. Cloaked in a fuzzy, unfocused mist, you can barely make out that Lexi is wearing a bra, panties, black stockings and black high heels. When the camera finally concentrates its image, it’s on, wouldn’t you know it, Erik Everhard’s dick. It fills up the frame. It glides across the room, coming to rest on Lexi’s butt. It lingers. Dear god, Erik. They screw in doggy. Things go from lukewarm to hot when they slip into bed for some cowgirl sex. It’s brief. Grab it. Hold onto it! He spurts across her ass in doggy.

 

Erik Everhard’s dick has to share screen time with the pecker of Toni Ribas (2011′s “Gangbanged 2“) next, as they double up on tattooed cutie Leilani Leeanne. It starts out with just Ribas and Leilani and I was intrigued but, as usual, Everhard isn’t content to just work camera. He’s got to get himself in there one way or another. Leeanne looks dizzy when she’s made to hop off Ribas and move over to service Erik, who sits there with his usual smug grin. They trade off her mouth and pussy, building towards a long, boring (yes, boring) double penetration session. Ribas spurts off across Leilani’s face and into her open mouth, followed by Everhard, who just adds to the cum. She cleans them off.

 

Nicole Aniston the thick-bodied blonde goddess who got my attention in “Badass School Girls 5” and “Revenge Cuckold” returns to show us that, yeah, even she with all of her hotness, can turn in a boring scene. She shakes her ass for the camera before planting it squarely on Erik Everhard’s face. They move to a weight bench where they grind it out in two positions. Next, they slip into bed for three more positions. Everhard orgasms while being ridden by Aniston, who lets it drip out of her pussy onto the bed. Given that the film was shot in one day and Everhard appeared in (and orgasmed in) all five of the film’s scenes, I wouldn’t be surprised if this internal was faked. Probably not, but, you know, I’m just saying.

 

For the final scene, Everhard decides to go with an actual honest-to-god set-up. What’s that? Jynx Maze (2010′s “Oooops… I Did My Daddy’s Best Friend“) plays an English teacher (LOL!) who becomes incensed when she catches her 30-something year old student Erik Everhard drawing a dirty picture of her in class. She angrily orders all the other kids out of the room (they are alone, but I’ll work with it) before conducting an impromptu and rather crude English lesson. “A is for ass. B is for Butthole. C is for cunt,” she tells him, while stripping off various items of clothing. They head to the teacher’s lounge, and the comfort of a couch. She gives him a messy blowjob and he thanks her by tongue fucking her asshole. Maze is her usual boisterous, aggressive self, talking non-stop and ordering Erik to an even more rabid fucking than he usually delivers. This sex scene, equivalent to midday on the autobahn, is almost entirely anal, as Maze informs Erik that he can stick it into any hole he wants. He wants her ass, of course. Jynx enjoys it as rough as possible and nary bats an eye when she’s made to perform the usual freak show stuff (ie gaping and ass to mouth). Everhard scoots up to drop his entire load into her gaping mouth. She swallows it down.

During the end credits, Erik is shown complaining that Nicole Aniston didn’t shave her legs before arriving on set. Listen, Erik. Yup, that’s the world’s tiniest violin playing just for you.

No condoms.

Date of Production: 9/21/2011. Release Date: 10/27/2011.

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