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Xxxorcist DVD Front

Xxxorcist

Year: 2006
Runtime: 47
Distributor: Pulse Distribution
Studio: Burning Angel
Our Score

With five Exorcist porn spoofs to chose from, Joanna Angel’s version, Xxxorcist, proves the most entertaining if only for the obvious great care that went into making it. These guys, Doug Sakmann (2005′s “Re-Repenetrator”) and crew, get so much right that it’s almost impossible to fault them on anything. The sets, camera work, dialogue (including heavy nods to the source material and religion), special effects, notably the never-ending vomit (a mixture of ingredients, including green coloring and ice cream) and, last but not least, the music, ranging from haunting religious hymns to balls-out metal – it all works to compliment nicely the action on the screen, as repulsive (and offensive) as it might be.

 

Tommy Pistol (2011′s “Wet Dream On Elm Street“) as the Father Merkin (Urban Dictionary definition of a merkin: toupee for the pubic area/genitals), tasked with evicting the dybuk from Joanna Angel (Regan Theresa MacFeel) and, later, her mom Kylee Kross (Mrs. Macfeel), by any means necessary, consistently over-amplifies his performance to the nth degree, allowing the film to settle into a tone somewhere between totally batty and utterly hilarious. If you take any of this more seriously than Tommy Pistol does, you’re an idiot.

 

After inviting him inside, Pistol races upstairs to confront the possessed young lady, played convincingly by Brooklyn native and web sensation, Joanna Angel. The mother, a heavily-tattooed, sexy-as-all-get-out Kylee Kross informs him that her daughter has just turned 18 and that “it’s getting worse.” Apparently the first time didn’t take and, yippers, she’s legal.

 

As Pistol rolls through the Rituale Romanum in his bid to excise the demon, he’s greeted with bucketfuls of projectile vomit (flashbacks of Max Hardcore), invectives so crude it would probably make Videotramp fave Christina Saunders blush as well as the expected head-turning theatrics for which will surely delight those fans of the orginal.

 

His efforts ultimately fall short, and Merkin is forced to take other more unconventional measures. Upon consulting his book of myths and legends, the Bible, he concludes that an old-school “sexorcism” is in order. Trusting that the demon will not bite his manhood off, he heroically injects himself into the squirrely girl’s puke pit. It gets messy as Angel backs off every few seconds to launch more glowing green globular ickiness (fake, don’t forget) across his crotch area. Hmm, I’m wondering what the Brazilian pornographers would do with such a premise, given their lax censorship laws and penchant for gross shit (Yes, I’m looking at you “2 Girls 1 Cup”).

 

Anyway, even after a nice round of screwing the devil proves too strong for the righteous one and, with a little push and more green slime, he’s ejected from her unholy opening and sent hurtling back-first against the wall.

 

Fearing Merkin might be dead, Kylee Kross (listening just outside the door) bolts into the room and is immediately swallowed up in the green-coated web of horror as a kiss and a little crucifix-on-crotch rubbing from Angel forces the demonic genie out of her. A suddenly possessed Kylee is soon crawling into the floating, vomit-soaked bed and spreading her daughter’s legs to get herself a lick. What’s that old proverb? A fool finds pleasure in evil?  Vomit, incest, crucifix’s used as sexual objects. Man, this is some evil shit and I totally found myself taking pleasure in it. Call me a fool.

 

A never-fully-explained but apparently curative Virgin Mary dildo is soon brought into play, as Tommy endeavours to insert it into one of the girl’s holes while simultaneously getting doubled up on. More like raped up on! Almost feral-like, these two green contact-lens-wearing gals (clearly jacked-up on something good!) hop on and off his staff so fast and aggressively that I began to think it might snap, crackle and pop under their relentless pounding. It doesn’t, thank god! He soon finds his opening (no pun) for which to insert the Mary-do, thus dislodging the demon from Kylee’s innards. With that taken care of, he moves on to the still-possessed daughter. He determines that to make sacred the teenager, he needs to indulge in some “gross immorality” i.e. sodomy. With our demon-voiced Angel egging him on, Merkin serves up the kind of savage buggering only a Priest could deliver, ending with Pistol launching his own milky white (judging by the fact that it’s about a gallon’s worth, I feel comfortable in calling fake!) blessed spew across her face, neck and mouth.

 

To finish out the show, Merkin implores the demon to enter him, utilizing a baby Jesus butt plug (don’t leave home without it), a crucifix and a Virgin Mary dildo all of which are inserted into Angel’s various holes. Tainting Merkin’s final act of self-sacrifice is another Priest, Father Seinfeld (Spyder Jonez), happening along at just the right time to pick his pockets as he lay dying on the sidewalk.

 

The DVD features a ton of extras including three alternate endings (Sad, Happy, and Fucked Up), a 27 minute making-of documentary titled ‘Into The Behind: Behind The Scenes Of The XXXorcist’ and four commentary tracks. One track features Joanna Angel. One features Tommy Pistol and executive producer, Mitch Fontaine. The third features the producer/editor Doug Sakmann and director of photography, Pat Homily. The final one features production assistants Cock Kent and Big Tasty.

No condoms.

Production Date: 10/16/2005. Release Date: 10/30/2006.

Posted by JLB-Videotramp | 31 Oct 2011 | Reviews

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Cast & Crew

Female Performers:
Male Performers:
Directors:
Writers:
Producers:
Editors:
Executive Producers:
  • Joanna Angel
  • Mitch Fontaine
Associate Producers:
  • Nick Danger
  • Zafer Ulkuco
  • Jack Verrelli
Director of Photography:
  • Pat Homily
First Camera:
  • Pat Homily
Stunts:
  • Tommy Pistol
Assistant Director:
  • Jean Claude Van Dong
Vomit Color Correction:
  • Sloppy Pooper Jones
Sound Editing:
  • Doug Sakmann
  • Lance Ducotte
Sound Design:
  • Doug Sakmann
  • Lance Ducotte
Boom Operators:
  • Samantha Astolfi
  • Dougie Chainsaw
Grips:
  • Samantha Sa
  • Zafer Ulkuco
Set Construction (Floating Bed):
  • Jack Verrelli
Possessed FX Make-Up:
  • Josh Potter (aka Zombie Dong)
Head Spinning FX Prosthetics:
  • Jeremy Selenfriend
Head Spin FX Assistant:
  • Holly Wisniewski
Vomit FX:
  • Doug Sakmann
Still Photography:
  • Brenda
BTS:
  • Doug Sakmann
  • "Uncle" Matt
  • Mitch Fontaine
  • "Erect" Dick Cheney
Additional Possessed Voice Recordings:
  • Samantha Astolfi
Production Assistants:
  • Samantha Astolfi
  • Dougie Chainsaw
  • Cock Kent
  • Mike Pullen

Images

Xxxorcist DVD Front
Xxxorcist Title
Xxxorcist
Kylee Kross and Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Kylee Kross and Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Kylee Kross and Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Joanna Angel, Kylee Kross and Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Kylee Kross and Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Joanna Angel and Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Joanna Angel and Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Joanna Angel and Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Joanna Angel and Kylee Kross in Xxxorcist
Joanna Angel and Kylee Kross in Xxxorcist
Joanna Angel and Kylee Kross in Xxxorcist
Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Joanna Angel, Kylee Kross and Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Joanna Angel, Kylee Kross and Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Joanna Angel and Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Joanna Angel in Xxxorcist
Joanna Angel and Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Tommy Pistol in Xxxorcist
Tommy Pistol and Spyder Jonez in Xxxorcist
Spyder Jonez in Xxxorcist
Xxxorcist DVD Back