Hyped-up melodrama in the form of faux reality show nonsense, straight-to-camera addresses and plenty of bad acting, television programs like “Hogan Knows Best” seem ready made for a porn parody and 3rd Degree, a company more known for gonzo-tripe than spoofs, decides to take up the challenge with surprisingly decent results. It’s a mostly faithful re-working of the show made famous for accentuating the outrageousness of its leads.
Evan Stone (2011′s “Captain America XXX: An Extreme Comixxx Parody“), minus the leathery skin, grunts, growls and hams his way through every scene, doing his best to ape Terry “Hulk” Hogan. Aside from the fake moustache, he’s also made to wear a headband, to hide his full head of hair, unlike the Hulkster who is hiding that he has none. Stone is having a ball here, that much is obvious. Linda Hogan only wishes she looked as good as Julia Ann (2011′s “Babysitters Gone Bad“), who plays Mrs. Hogan (or ex, I guess now) as aggressive and bitchy. Kagney Linn Karter does well as dopey Brooke. She’s certainly believable. Michael Vegas (2010′s “This Isn’t Fast Times At Ridgemont High“), a guy who got his start in gayporn, is hilarious as Nick, a sort of man-child with suspect homosexual inclinations. They both show up for their single scenes and then pretty much disappear. The biggest surprise is Kimberly Kane (2011′s “Katy Pervy: The XXX Parody“) who steals the show as a bossy hooker from Kazakhstan. Watching her spout “Is gude!” all the way through her scene with Stone absolutely made my day.
Insisting that her shirt is too revealing, Kagney Lynn Karter (2010′s “Slut Worthy“) rushes upstairs to change. She discovers that her boyfriend, Bill Bailey (2011′s “Justice League Of Pornstar Heroes“), is still asleep in her bed. “You were supposed to sneak out,” she tells him. He insists that he needed take a quick nap since the sex they had was so good or something. Somehow the conversation turns to Bailey being gay and Karter commands him to prove he’s not by “pounding” her into the bed. Karter has those massive fake tits now, so she lost a ton of her appeal, at least to me. Bailey screws her shaved twat in four positions, ending with him unloading across her face and into her mouth. She cleans him off.
Before heading off to a swap meet with his wife, Hogan (Stone) consumes a mixture of protein, Steroids and Viagra and is left with a raging hard-on. He dials up an escort agency looking for a girl to relieve him of his little crisis. Kimberly Kane dons an excellent Russian accent (think Natasha Fatale of the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show) to play a hooker from Kazakhstan who for to make benefit her glorious bank account, she has a quickie screw with Hogan before his wife, Linda, arrives home. “Take off you pants, you will have more FREEDOM!” Kane bellows to Hogan, who barks that he can’t find her hole. They stay in character and the scene plays as surprisingly funny. “You’re wrapping me up like a pretzel,” Kane mutters as Hogan attempts some new sex moves on her. Good little multi-positioned sexer and they are clearly having a great time, every once in awhile breaking character to share a laugh. After he does his patented finishing maneuver on her, the missionary position, the Hulkster unloads across her pubes.
After running through a litany of atrocities committed by Nick (pissing on the carpet, sticking Brooke’s brush up his ass, attempting to hire Kane for a paltry 108 dollars etc.) Hulk informs his son that he’s grounded for a week. In a straight-to-camera address, Nick (Vegas) worries that he won’t be able to handle not getting any pussy for a week. No worries, as Lexi Swallow (2011′s “Official Halloween Parody“), Brooke’s friend, arrives looking to hang out. Notified that Brooke is out taking voice-lessons, Lexi agrees to hang out with Nick by the pool. They end up screwing – in the usual four positions. Lexi has the fake knockers now but she’s still quite gorgeous facially. He cums across said face and into her mouth. She cleans him off.
Happening upon Nick’s nerdy homework buddy, Link (“Sex And The City: The Original XXX Parody” star Tommy Pistol), in her kitchen, Linda (Ann) reveals herself as nothing short of a total bitch, not unlike the character… er… person she’s playing. She sees the nerd as an easy target, mocking not only his name but also his sexuality and his tattoos, for which Pistol is covered in. She’s horny, though, and decides to screw him. “You’ll do for a Wednesday afternoon,” Julia mutters, before leading him into the other room and mauling him. Pistol really runs away with his geeky role, playing him as almost semi-retarded. Ann totally dominates the scene, even ordering Pistol to “stop talking” at one point and even biting him when he doesn’t. She absolutely owns him during sex, even stepping on his face while riding him. After about four positions, he unloads across her face and into her mouth. It’s a lot of cum. She cleans him off.
With Brooke off to college on a “slut run” and his wife and Nick off to see Justin Beiber in concert (“Oh my god!” Nick blurts at the prospect of seeing Beiber), the Hulkster (Stone) entertains an old wrestling pal, Devon Lee (2009′s “Cougar Cruisin‘“). He wants to chat but Lee is just there to fuck “like old times.” And they do in a half dozen positions including a quickie in pile driver ending with Stone blasting off her across her face and into her mouth. She cleans him off, spitting it out onto her fake boobs.
Nick and Linda arrive home early and Linda declares that she wants a divorce… and half! Hogan sees this an opportunity to trade her in for a younger model. Bring on the sequel!
No production dates given. Release Date: 8/16/2011.
Other things I noted while watching: All the girls are barefoot in their scenes.