Abashed the Devil stood, And felt how awful goodness is… And felt how awful goodness…  And felt…
       – T-Bird (The Crow, from Milton’s Paradise Lost)

Alex Proyas’ unflinchingly dark, utterly beautiful, The Crow, was released on Friday, May 13, 1994, and while most of the attention garnered for the film came from the fact that its star, Brandon Lee, died tragically during filming, it also caused quite a stir amongst critics who weren’t accustomed to such excessive violence in what was being marketed as just another superhero movie. Since its release, though, it seems that a whole new generation of filmmakers have sought to incorporate at least some element of Proyas’ stark, conservative-rooted, vision of what a superhero/revenge flick should be, into their own works. From Len Wiseman’s Underworld to wrestling’s Sting, the influences can be seen and felt. Christopher Nolan’s revamped Batman franchise borrows more from The Crow, visually and in tone, than any of the previous Batman adaptations; and there are persistent rumours that Heath Ledger’s Joker make-up for The Dark Knight was inspired by Brandon’s cosmetic-design in The Crow. More recently, Marc Webb, the director of  the 2012 Spider-Man re-boot, was said to be so profoundly affected by Proyas’ film artistically that he even sought out actor Michael Massee, who played Funboy (the man responsible for Lee’s accidental demise), to appear in a small role.

A resurrected ethereal being (in demonic-face paint), moving through a dreary Halloween night in Detroit focused solely on hunting down, torturing and executing those responsible for the death of his one and only – not exactly the making of a family night at the movies, for sure. For me, however, and many of my friends, the film was a godsend – a reminder that superhero movies could be cool. That superhero movies could be more than the campy dreck churned out by hacks like Tim Burton and Joel Schumacher. Dark. Brilliant. Beautiful. They can even make you cry, a superhero movie in the hands of a true auteur, can be all those things that make us want to go to the movies.

Which brings us to Vivid’s “Spread Eagle” which is considered an original work, even though it borrows so heavily from “The Crow” that I wondered why they didn’t just title it “The Crow XXX: A Parody”. The minute I realized where “Spread Eagle” was going and where its inspiration was coming from - likely the greatest “superhero” movie ever (based on a comic book series by James O’Barr) - I became instantly excited.

In Lee’s place is Tommy Gunn, who is gunned down in the street along with his wife (Akira) by a thug looking to pinch whatever change they might have in their pockets. As Tommy lay dying, an eagle emerges out of the darkness and lands on his chest. It spits a red, white and blue colored substance into his open wound which then resurrects him. Within minutes of arriving home he is morphing into a sort of half human/half eagle hybrid. Instead of being guided and goaded by an eagle, Gunn actually becomes it. Along with an ability to fly (courtesy some dark angel wings), a high-pitched squeal, enhanced hearing and a huge, honking (literally!) beak, he also has a newly-minted goal – to hunt down and execute all those responsible for the death of his true love. Along the way he befriends a hooker (LaBeau) and, in a bid to rescue her kid sister from a life on the streets, he is soon going up against a major crime lord (Lee Stone) as well as his henchmen, one of whom is the man responsible for murdering his wife.

The script, by David Stanley, feels rushed at times, and some of the sex scenes don’t work in a logical sense, but it’s still a rather enjoyable affair all things considering. The tone of the film also seems to waver, from funny to sombre, withStanleyseemingly unable to decide which way to go until the end. Art work (courtesy Alec Knight, yes, THAT Alec Knight) is used in place of some of the more graphic murder scenes, including Gunn dropping a man from the sky, and, later, causing a man’s head to explode like a pumpkin.

Prior to their night out, Asa Akira and Tommy Gunn decide to have a quickie romp on the kitchen table that Asa just cleaned. These two have worked together on at least three previous occasions including at least one huge group scene and they usually have a good chemistry. Not so much this time. Possibly this is the most generic of all their sexings, as they go through the motions like two professionals who have places to be. Asa, drenched in sweat, is uber-loud to the point of annoying as Gunn pounds her in three positions ending with him dumping a load across her vagina.

During the evening out, a shaved-headed thug (Harley) attempts to molest Asa at gunpoint. When Gunn makes a move for him, he shoots them both dead. The arrival of the eagle, releasing the life-saving goop – three colors of the American flag (its symbolism not lost on me) – jump-starts the remainder of this revenge storyline. Gunn’s transformation, done through lots of make-up, some CGI and prosthetics, is impressive, and his acting is up to snuff.

The next day, hooker Lexi Belle makes time with a couple of johns (Marcus London and John Strong) in a grungy alleyway. The boys trade off her mouth and pussy in a fairly lengthy encounter that remains interesting thanks to Lexi’s unfaltering enthusiasm. God, she’s a cutie! John pulls out of her pussy, and launches a load across her pubes whileLondonjettisons his genetic cargo across her face and into her open mouth. Afterwards, the boys get a little rough with her. Gunn arrives to make them regret where their life has lead them. “Thank you!” Lexi mouths as Gunn lifts off.

Later that night, Lily LaBeau, another lady engaging in the world’s oldest profession, simply can’t seem to earn enough to appease her pimp, who backhands her with the wad of cash she hands him. LaBeau’s in a bad place as her little sister (Katie St. Ives) is being pimped out and she is desperate to buy her back from a ruthless crime lord, Big Lee (Lee Stone). Gunn overhears them getting into it and agrees to help LaBeau, but not before showing the pimp a nice view ofLos Angeles… and dropping his fucking ass to the pavement below.

Big Lee (Stone) makes time with one of his busty, blonde hookers (Tanya Tate) back at his loft. Easily the most erotic scene of the film, as these two well-built performers work out their pent-up sexual urges in six hot, lengthy positions. Even though Stone is playing a brute, he remains a charitable lover here with Tate. By the end, both are literally caked in sweat and ready to unload. Stone drops his spunk into her open mouth and she cleans him off, licking her lips afterwards.

Following the sex, Stone’s goon comes for a visit and we get our first look at how Stone, bat in hand, does business. Gunn arrives looking for Katie and it’s on. Stone and crew do battle with the winged one. Arriving late to the game is the man who shot and killed Asa. This gets Gunn fully in the mood to kick some ass. Not even the bat beat down that Gunn is receiving at hands of Stone, can stop him from chasing the shooter into the night. He gets away.

A wounded Gunn scurries back to his rooftop hide-out where he finds Lily LaBeau waiting for him. She tends to his wounds, but not before he slams her in a bunch of positions on an old, conveniently-placed mattress. LaBeau is a stunner, so watching her having sex is never a chore. Gunn is his usual jack-hammer self, powering into Lily like he’s gotta get somewhere. Looking like a bird feeding its young, Gunn drops his creamy goop across LaBeay’s face and into her open mouth.

As Stone prepares for a final stand-off with Gunn, they put the call out to their associates to be on the look-out for a winged fellow. Jon Jon, the pimp tasked with watching over LaBeau’s little sister, finds talk of a winged-man amusing. Katie hardly looks the victim here, happily piling on Jon Jon and engaging him a heated warehouse tussle.  Katie is an absolutely gorgeous brunette with smallish, nice tits and a great little body. Jon Jon drives her in three positions before dumping his load into her open mouth. She plays with it.

Arriving on the scene, Gunn rips Jon Jon’s throat out following a shoot-out clearly inspired by Matthew Vaughn’s Crow-inspired Kick-Ass. He dumps Katie back into the arms of LaBeau and then makes his way back to Stone’s loft on a mission to destroy whomever he finds inside. Even with a gun, Stone is no match for Gunn’s ear-splitting squeal which explodes his cranium into a hundred tiny red pieces.

The film ends with Gunn continuing his search for the guy who killed his wife. To be continued, as they say.

No condoms

No production dates given. Release Date: 8/22/2011

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