The resolution to branch out and try their hand at parody movies has been a hit and miss affair for Devil’s Film, a company that prides itself on producing the hottest niche porn on the market. Sadly, with the exception of their three “Twilight” parodies, they’ve mostly failed to impress either the fans or the critics. As evidenced by the numerous threads on AdultDVDTalk.com, those who shell out dime on a Devil’s Film parody often come away feeling slighted (myself included – see my review for “This Isn’t Christmas Vacation: The XXX Parody“). Simply re-creating key scenes does not a parody make but with their push to get the product out cheaply and fast (about 28 releases a month), a good team of writers (or even one, for that matter) appears to be numero uno on the chopping block. Tom Moore’s lacklustre direction hasn’t helped matters. He’s cheap and available but his aversion to anything not transsexual-related is abundantly clear in most of his productions. I don’t know for sure if he directed this (Devil’s Film rarely credits the crew) but his paw prints are all over it.
The re-working of a classic title from the 1980s seems a rather odd choice considering that a good majority of the contemporary porn crowd (young males in their 20s) will not have even heard of “Fast Times At Ridgemont High”. Hence, Devil’s Film’s reliance on the interest of older folks to fill in the gaps is respectable at best. Either that, or they have concluded that anyone familiar with the Amy Heckerling/Cameron Crowe teen-comedy masterpiece probably won’t have the wherewithal to download it, thus assuring at least some level of profit. Smart.
The casting of Chad Alva (formerly Vin Vericose) as the iconic stoner Jeff Spicoli (here re-named Spermcoli), a role originally essayed by Sean Penn, seems a natural fit for the laid back, good-natured, Alva – a guy who never fails to impress me. I enjoyed immensely his work in “Scooby Doo: A XXX Parody” as Shaggy, but it was his turn in Eddie Powell’s brilliant “Lost and Found” as Xander Corvus’ scheming slacker roommate that moved me from interested viewer to full-bore fan. Seth Gamble proved himself a true talent recently, taking on (and delivering) in the John Travolta part in Jordan Septo’s awesome “Saturday Night Fever XXX: An Exquisite Films Parody”. Here, as Mike Damone, he manages to dredge up enough arrogance and charm to remind us why we disliked Damone so much, and sympathized with him a little too. Tori Black (2011′s “Incredible Hulk: A XXX Porno Parody“) tackles the Linda role that made Phoebe Cates an 80s sex symbol, re-creating (and ultimately making hardcore) the drool-worthy pool ascension scene that launched a thousand loads. Michael Vegas, sporting a never-explained shiner, mocks up a hilarious Bradley, uttering that famous line: “Doesn’t anyone fucking knock anymore?” after Black catches him rubbing one out in the bathroom.
It’s 1982 and school’s back in session. Jeff Spermcoli (Alva) arrives at Ridgemont High early. After blazing up in his van, he stumbles around the empty halls eventually making his way to his pre-determined classroom. Jeff’s eager to tell his teacher, Mr. Handle (“This Ain’t Lady GaGa XXX” star Scott Lyons in a markedly blasé turn), about his amazing summer – a summer that saw him not only surfing the circuit (and winning the whole thing), but scoring with two large-breasted beauties. The riotous “tasty waves, cool buds” dream segment is re-worked with a notable pc slant (“those guys are fags” has turned into “those guys are dicks”, no doubt at the behest of Moore, a proud homosexual) and a differing outcome, namely Spicoli… er… Spermcoli actually getting to score with his two babes. Blonde Spaniard Bridgette B (2010′s “Teen Confessions“) and Latin Goddess Charley Chase (2010′s “Kayden’s College Tails“) provide the requisite holes needed for Alva to get off on. “Can we fuck now?” barks a very horny Chase. Running long at over 30 minutes, this scene wears out its welcome early on. As hot as these ladies are (especially Ms. Chase – God, what a woman!) watching them run through the same positions two and three times becomes a daunting task especially when FF is close to my touch. Even the ever-reliable Alva is running on fumes by scene’s end, as evidenced by his flagging erection. He spurts off a sizable load for both ladies, dumping it across their huge breasts.
The hilarious “my time, our time” in-class pizza delivery sequence (an unknown standing in for pizza-guy Taylor Negron) arrives in fine fashion, but quickly moves from funny to illogical to downright bizarre as Scott Lyons invites student, Chastity Lynn (2010′s “My Daughter’s Boyfriend 3“), up to the front of the class for a slice… and a quick spin atop his desk. Huh? This scene also runs 30 minutes, and plays out as more weird than erotic. Alva hanging around in the background playing air drums and commenting on the action, only adds to the inherent strangeness of the encounter. 22 year old Lynn, a girl who wanted a gangbang for her birthday (no kidding!), is adorable and she does put forth a decent effort including taking it in the ass, gaping and even doing A2M. She takes Scott’s watery load across her face and into her mouth. She cleans him off.
Down the hall, Mark Ratner (Jack Venice – looking gaunt, unshaven and tired; no doubt a result of his legal troubles at the time that saw him getting the life sentence that he is currently serving) seeks dating tips from Mike Damone (Gamble), prior to his night out with Stacy (Natasha Nice). It doesn’t go well, and, the next day, Gamble decides to invite himself and Venice over to Natasha’s pool. She’s there with her friend, Linda (Tori Black). Everyone ends up in the pool and/or horsing around as Bradley (“Spider-Man XXX: A Porn Parody” star Michael Vegas) arrives. Sneaking into a bathroom, he rubs one out to Tori.
Brad’s fantasy, a classic scene if there ever was one - and no doubt greatest masturbatory aid of young men born in the late 70s or early 80s next to Ginger Lynn, of course – of Phoebe Cates rising from the pool, dripping wet and sauntering over to him while undoing her bikini top, unravels in much the same fashion, minus the music. As well, the fantasy is allowed to play out to its logical conclusion as Brad and Linda make love by the pool, under the hot Cali sun. Vegas and Black make for worthy stand-ins and the sex, in and out of the pool, is quite erotic. Vegas delivers a whopper of a cumshot to her face and into her open mouth. She cleans him off. Afterwards, she stumbles into the bathroom, where she discovers him making play time with his hand.
The pool-shed scene in which Mike screws an inexperienced Stacy plays out as less awkward but Natasha Nice does her best to sell that she’s chaste and Gamble lasts longer than Mike by about 20 minutes. Gamble seems to play Damone as a less hip collar-up collar-down John Travolta circa 78-79 type. Nice seems to enjoy the company of her co-star (especially his physique), even diving in for some deep-gagging nastiness. “Choke on it, Stacy,” Gamble mutters, remaining in character. They have a three position screw that concludes with Gamble ejaculating (not inside her) but into her mouth. “What do I do with it?” she asks. “I don’t know, swallow it.” A curious nod to the sombre impregnation/abortion element of the source, skipped over in typical porn fashion. Stacy decides to swallow, giggling all the way.
Nice non-attention to detail, as Spermcoli talks to his friend via cellphone at film’s end. Um, didn’t realize they had cellphones back in 1982. Granted, I didn’t know that cellphones existed in the 1920s either but a recent unearthing of a woman talking on a cellphone in the 1928 Charlie Chaplin film The Circus makes it seem, at least, slightly plausible. Jeff Spicoli – time traveler. Sigh. I need sleep.
No production dates given. Release Date: 10/18/2010