It’s Christmas and Clark Dickwald (Rosano) has his heart set on an Olympic sized swimming pool to which he’ll surprise his wife (Reese) kids (Valentine and Hicks). Things go awry on Christmas eve, however, as the sizable bonus he was expecting turns out to be a purple dildo. You know, the economy and all. Adding to his misery is the arrival of Uncle Eddy (Knight) and his wife (Heart) who park in front of his house in their oversized camper and do, well, nothing really. Sigh.

 

Sammy Slater (2008′s “Bait 6“) was hired to deliver a Christmas Vacation XXX parody and that’s exactly what he does – in name only. A couple of nods to the actual movie help to prop up a plot that ends up going absolutely nowhere; such is what happens when your director elects to phone it in rather than provide something worthwhile. “This Isn’t Christmas Vacation: The XXX Parody” is an epic dud, that barely works as a homage let alone a parody. As a device to titillate, the film fares slightly better. Not much, though.

 

In the opening scene, Carolyn Reese {long blonde hair, shaved pussy, nice medium-sized tits, some facial acne, a wrap around her left ankle and a great body} skips off to the bedroom to test out Rosano’s phallic gift. He catches her and despite his disappointment at not getting a proper bonus, decides to join in. Rosano (2011′s “Official Jerry Springer Parody“) throws her a passionate, multi-positioned screw that ends with her begging for his cum in her mouth and him delivering. She cleans him off.

 

“I gotta help Clark,” exclaims Alec Knight (2011′s “This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX“). Somehow helping Clark means screwing his girl, Emma Heart, in his camper (which is parked on a very active suburban neighbourhood) and then dumping a sink full of semen and condoms in his driveway. Clearly the only one in the cast even trying, Knight does a fine Randy Quaid. A little more subtle, but overall not bad. His tussle with the chunky, busty, shaved Heart is lively and fun. Emma is so desperate to take it in the ass, she substitutes cooking oil for lube. It works. Her ass seems to swallow up his cock with nary a push. Later, she’s curious to taste his beefstick fresh from her chute, concluding, “I think it needs more cooking oil.” A lengthy, multi-positioned butt fucking concludes with him ejaculating into her mouth. She spits it out in the kitchen sink.

 

Not able to take even one more second with her family, Audrey (Tweety Valentine) rushes off with her boyfriend (Marco Rivera) to chill at his place. Some small talk leads into the inevitable screw. Tweety is an absolute dream; gorgeous with smallish perky tits (nipples so pointy they’d make Bionca blush), a lithe body, gorgeous legs and ass and a navel piercing. She and Rivera bump cookies in a slew of positions before Tweety is spun around and receiving a face of semen. Rivera delivers a whopper. She licks his balls, but won’t suck him clean. Post screw, they overhear the sounds of sex coming from the next room. Marco suggests that it’s probably his sister (Rios). “She’s a super-whore,” he tells Tweety.

 

Moving down the hall, we discover who exactly is servicing Marco’s little sister. It’s none other than Tweety’s brother, Rusty (Sonny Hicks). Melanie Rios is okay looking, has long brown hair, screwed up teeth, a lithe sexy body, smallish tits and a shaved box. Hicks eats her then settles in for a raucous blowjob and multi-positioned screw. Rios’ fake moans and groans are grating. She takes Hicks’ load across her face. There’s a glorious shot of Rios’ fucked up teeth. Wow!

A final painful nod to the original finds Rosano being attacked by a squirrel which has set up shop in his Christmas tree.

No condoms.

D.O.P.: 12/6/2010. Release Date: 12/6/2010

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