Official Friday the 13th Parody

2010. 104 mins. Zero Tolerance (Zero Tolerance)

Director: Gary Orona

Cast: Courtney Cummz, Mr. Pete, Asa Akira, Rocco Reed, Kagney Linn Karter, Carlo Carrera, Brooke Lee Adams, Brooklyn Lee, Mark Wood, Sara Sloane/Sarah Vandella, Kris Slater and in nonsexual roles Tabitha Stevens, Ralph, Cheyne Collins.

Producer: Tabitha Stevens. Unit Production Manager: Cheyne Collins. Director of Photography: Gary Orona. Camera Assistant: Cheyne Collins. Wardrobe: Tabitha Stevens. Make-up: Tabitha Stevens, Lori Elle. Editor: Gary Orona. Special Thanks: Mike Quasar, Marco, Dry Gulch.

 

Gary Orona has been a busy boy the last few years. He married porn star Tabitha Stevens, signed a contract to direct movies for Zero Tolerance, as well he had just finished producing a television series for Cinemax titled The Erotic Traveller. Certainly things are looking up for the talented fellow who started out shooting Karaoke videos in Japan. Moving from HBO to Cinemax to porn seems like a logical progession, as years and age tend to pervert, as any of the hundreds of thousands of dirty old men who drive the porn market attests. For me, Orona is a bit of a legend. Considering that I’ve spent much of my youth salivating over his films, namely the Bikini Car Wash Company series, of which remains one of my most cherished VHS dubs, I was ecstastic to read that he would be slipping behind the camera for ZT. Orona’s sensibilities and jazzy, soft-focus, uber-glam style of erotica smacks of the great pioneers of porn like Seven, DeRenzy and Pachard.

 

 

Even though Orona’s filmography does involve much by way of an actual horror film, he manages to do some fine work here, blending horror, gore and sex into a nice mix. He even manages to add some atmosphere. Next time, though, he needs to get in at least one ominous thunderstorm. What’s a Friday film without an ominous and suddenly flaring thunderstorm? Technically, Orona brings with him his wealth of experience shooting for HBO and Cinemax, and creates something very professional and expensive looking. It’s hard to believe how much good lighting can do to enhance a production.

 

 

Friday the 13th has been spoofed before, back in 1987. At that time, Vidco Entertainment were cranking out the spoofs with a regular consistency and a pair of Friday The 13th copies happily made the cut. Granted, while I’m in love with Amber Lynn, and I adored Paul Thomas’ muffled “Chi Chi Chi, Ha Ha Ha” under the hockey mask; it’s really no comparison. Those were fun films. Orona’s is not, well, not a Ha Ha. Like a clown, I make you laugh way. This is played as a direct tribute, with very little laughs to be had, well, minus the obvious one about Jason’s sperm fromenting into acid – and that’s why, in my opinion, it’s so good. In fact, I think it’s one of the best parodies released this year. I had a ball watching and re-watching this film.

 

 

Jason (played by Cheyne Collins, last seen around here in “Double Plugged“) is back and this time he’s roaming the forest around the Crystal Lake Nudist Camp. Yup, he’s still got that nasty disposition and his legendary goalie mask still doesn’t fit properly, but this time his backstory is a little different. On top of that huge machete, Jason’s also swinging a nasty piece of meat – meat that squirts flesh-eating jism when aroused. It’s what caused him to drown in the lake, and overtime his semen fromented, turning him into an angry, psychotic killer. Well, at least that’s the story told to camper, Sara Sloane, back in town by a local bartender (producer Tabitha Stevens, in a nonsex cameo). Of course, she doesn’t heed the locals warnings to “Stay away!” and heads off to the campgrounds.

 

 

Kris Slater, Rocco Reed and his girlfriend Asa Akira have arrived ahead of Sara. Seems that Slater is the now the proud owner of the nudist camp, something left to him in a will. As they size up their new playground, the camp’s residents size up them.

 

 

Two of those residents, Mr. Pete (last seen around here in “Girlvert 9”) and Courtney Cumz (last seen around here in “Cock Addicts”) are a little busy getting frisky. Pete is wearing a gas mask, while Cumz is in full dom mode. Cumz is so in character that Pete seems beside himself, and even nearly busts off his load early before the sex even gets going. For the sex, it’s the usual positions; cowgirl, missionary, spoon etc. With Cumz taking it in the ass for a stretch and then smiling and keeping her mouth open for a facial. As we discover, old blue balls himself, Jason, is lurking about and when they finish up, he barges into the loft and proceeds to spray them down with his flesh-eating semen spraying firehose.

 

 

In another area of the camp, Rocco Reed is freaking out about insects and West Nile. His galfriend has already lathered him down with bug spray, and is growing tired of his whining. The couple make their way back to their cabin. Rocco isn’t much liking the accommodations, but he makes due, especially considering how frisky Asa is feeling. With some fairly good use of lighting design, Rocco and Asa engage in a full-bore multi-positioned screw that makes up in energy what it lacks in passion. Reed’s impromptu pull-out and cumshot on Asa’s taut tummy, was hot. In fine fashion, Reed is dispatched with an arrow to the neck, ala Kevin Bacon in the original Friday movie. Asa also meets a similar fate as the gal in the original. Nice homage, for sure. I’m sure Sean Cunningham would be proud.

 

 

At the same time, Sara, the proverbial final girl, has finally arrived in the camp and bypasses a house for the lake. Nice choice, as Jason is inside watching (and waiting) for her. She makes her way to a cabin where she meets up with Kris Slater (last seen around here in “This Ain’t Ghost Hunters XXX“). He relates to her about a story he heard back in his youth.

 

 

Apparently back in 1972, on Friday the 13th, Jason (the younger version is played by Carlos Carrera) was seduced by a sexy blonde (Kagney Lynn Karter) at a party/orgy. We zip backwards in time to that night – the footage is appropriately bleached out to give the impression of it being aged, where it unravels in real time. Carlos explains to Karter that he isn’t normal. He tells her that unlike other men, when he gets turned on, his penis won’t stop growing. She doesn’t necessarily see that as a problem and goes about initiating sex with Carrera (credits: just Carlos) in a dimly lit, grungy bathroom, no doubt the same one used for the Saw Parody. The couple screw in a bunch of positions on a small chair. It doesn’t look very comfortable, but they are pros and they make it work. Karter is looking decidely yummy, with the Avril Lavigne necktie adding an extra something to her already cute sex appeal. She jerks Carlos off to a nice open mouth facial and clean up. Afterwards, she is front and center as his penis grows and grows. After offing her, we learn that Carlos ran to the lake and fell in. “His dick was as heavy as a boat and he sank to the bottom,” explains Slater during a voice-over narration.

 

 

Later that night, another group of campers (Brooklyn Lee, Brooke Lee Adams and Mark Wood) enjoy a game of strip monopoly. Again, another nod to the original film. They don’t take long to get tired of the game and since they are near-nude anyway, they decide to go the full way and just screw. Both gals double up on Mark Wood (last seen around here in “Try-A-Teen 5“), who is a little long in the tooth to be playing a teenager. For the gals, Brooke Lee Adams is a cute, thick brunette while Brooklyn Lee is a sexy, toned blonde, with a saucy attitude that reminded me of Amber Lynn back in her prime. Sadly, the gals don’t seem much into each other, and it takes nearly the whole scene before they actually engage in anything remotely lesbian-oriented – Adams licks Lee’s crotch, while taking it from Wood from behind. “Licks” is probably the wrong word. More like, breathes heavy on. Either way, Lee’s dirty looks sold the scene for me, which isn’t very good in the overall. Wood busts off on the girl’s faces and into their open mouth. As they rest up, Jason makes his expected entry and proceeds to launch his demonic seed on the surprised trio.

 

 

Upon hearing a noise in the basement, Slater and Sloane, with flashlight in hand, decide to investigate. Sloane is worried but Slater explains to her the horror movie rule that psycho killers only murder people after they’ve had sex. And since they haven’t had sex yet, they have nothing to worry about. Little good that does as Jason jumps them from behind as they investigate the Jason’s lair beneath the cabin. Thankfully, thanks to Sara’s quick thinking and Slater’s ability to swing an axe, they manage to trap Jason’s penis in the door and cut it off.

 

.

To the director’s credit, we are spared the sight of a castration. Sorry, such imagery is the last thing one wants when they are enjoying a smut flick, even one called Friday the 13th.

 

 

In the wake of them surviving the evil Jason, Slater and Sloane decide to celebrate by screwing… and they are even given the courtesy of a soft, warm bed, one draped in white sheets. It’s another multi-positioned bed burner that finds both Sloane and Slater seemingly very turned on. Sloane bickers at the sky when his dick pops out during a rowdy cowgirl tussle and mutters, “beautiful,” when getting it in spoon, mere minutes before Slater is forced to pull out and ejaculate across her tummy. Afterwards, Jason appears in the darkened hallway. He’s not as dead as we thought. Yippee. Now let’s see how many sequels we can crank out.

 

 

.

Cast & Crew

Images