Writer: Jeff Mullen. Producer: Scott David, Jeff Mullen. Editor: Mark Dawop. Art Direction: Scott David. Music by Jeff Mullen, Rock Hardson. Musicians: Romero Brune (guitar), Rock Hardson (bass) Sinned (trumpet), Jeff Mullen (piano/keyboard), Jeff Mullen (drum programming). 1st camera: Will Ryder. 2nd Cam/Camera Tech: Miles Long. Camera Assistant/Associate DP: Nick Ventura. Art Director: Scott David. Fashion Styling: Scott David. Set Design: Scott David, Buddy Del Fuego, Marco. Casting: X-Play. Lighting Director: Tim Studley. Grip: Justin Boyd. Make-up Artist: Scott David. Wardrobe Coordinator: Alana Evans. Still Photographer: Miles Long. Sound Operator: DG Sound. BTS Camera: Scott David, Will Ryder, Eric Swiss, Nick Ventura. BTS Editing: Mark Dawop. Compliances: Marcy. Box Art Design: Mike Hallquist. Executive Producer: Scott David, Jeff Mullen.

Special Thanks: Don Houston, Gene Ross, Tony Batman, Tod Hunter, Dan Davis. Acme Anderson, Cindi Loftus, Dominic Acerra, Peter Reynolds, Renaud West, Craig Moderno, Steve Nelson, Marc Bruder.

An old 70s TV show about a trio of hot female private detectives outwitting cartoonish villains, using a combination of wits and sexiness – yup, if anything is ripe for a porn-daption, it’s Charlie’s Angels. For a show notorious for its silly story lines, cheesy acting and outrageous hairstyles, it’s no wonder why Scott David and Will Ryder of X Play might want to grab it and give it the porn parody treatment. With nearly a dozen xxx parodies under their belt already, Ryder and David definitely seem to know what they are doing and they appear to be getting better with each new adaptation. The swanky disco music by Jeff Mullen and Rock Hardson perfectly sets the tone, while the big hand phones, references to 70s era celebrities, the Farrah Fawcet feathered hair and bell bottom pants work nicely to fill in the rest. Granted, if you look hard enough, you’ll find problems. Yes, the lighting is too bright for the 70s, the cars are too new etc. but overall, it’s not bad.

The fact that they attempt to stay true to the original television series, playing it straight up the middle, not ham-fisted as the Hollywood movies did, and including a veritable shot for shot recreation of the opening segment and the various transitional effects from the show, you know it’s going to be a nice ride. The film even includes the opening header: Tonight’s Episode: Disco Dilemma, which suggests that there will be more on the way. Overall, I was happy with the effort, and while it did seem to fizzle out near the end, as the story took a major backseat to the sex, and the performers didn’t appear to be as into each other as they could have been, I’m not about to write it off.

Two young girls have gone missing after last being spotted at Studio 54, a notorious New York hotspot. Since both girls come from prestigious families and both have a history of running away, the decision was made to call in the private investigation team known as Charlie’s Angels instead of the regular police. The Angels are: Sabrina, the role made famous by Kate Jackson, is now played by Andy San Dimas (last seen around here in “Cum Eating Cuckolds 14“). Jill, the role played by Farrah Fawcett, is now played by Lexi Swallow and Kelly, the role played by Jaclyn Smith, is now played by Sunny Leone with back-up coming from Bosley, the role originally played by David Doyle is now played by James Bartholet (last seen around here in “Pubic Enemy“). They are tough and know how to get the job done, even if that means donning costumes , going deep undercover and, god forbid, stripping down to their birthday suits and fucking.

The sister, Tiffany (Breanne Benson), of one of the missing girls arrives at the Angel’s office to drop off some of her sibling’s items that will help with the investigation. Really it’s just an excuse to get her and Sunny Leone together. As it turns out Breanne is some kind of soap opera star and Sunny’s got a bit of a crush on her. Sunny and Breanne, dressed like a hippy, hit on each other and before long they are going at, including pussy eating, sixty-nine munching and lots of dildo play. Albanian-born Breanne is cute, has long blonde hair, nice body, shaved pussy, a large design of a fairy sitting on a tree, mid-and lower back and a star with shooting stars on her tailbone and clit and navel piercings. She’s wearing black high heels, the kind with the ankle strap. Canadian-born Indian, Leone, is her usual thick self, hairy bush, navel piercing, big fake tits, long brown hair. She’s wearing yellow high heels. Leone’s robotic fucking style and fake moans are grating.

The film now takes us to New York City, specifically, Studio 54 where club owner/big time crime lord, Vincent Garbella (Marcus London), gets his cock sucked by Madison Ivy, after London’s main-goon, Dirty Harry (last seen around here in “Girlvert 9“), finds her snorting coke in the bathroom. London (last seen around here in “Young Harlots: Gang Bang“) agrees not to call the cops, but she has to give him something in return. That ‘something’ is, of course, sex. Madison Ivy has her long blonde hair feathered to resemble Farrah Fawcett’s fabulous 70s style. She has big fake boobs, navel piercing and is wearing long puke green boots and a heart dotted shirt. Even with the overzealous application of eye liner, she still looks yummy swallowing up and bouncing on London’s Brit cock in a half dozen positions right there in his overly-lit office. He only last a couple of strokes in doggy before blasting off a mediocre load across her face and into her open mouth. She sucks him clean.

The next day, Lexi and Sunny, thanks to Charlie (the intercom role is voiced by Marty Bacardi), are able to infiltrate the club as a waitress and a go-go dancer. Thanks to Harry’s loose lips, Leone gets a clue about how London is operating a drug dealing operation out of the night club. Lexi is eager to visit with her photographer boyfriend. Bartholet and San Dimas arrive at the club, posing as the owner of the building. He tells London that he’s thinking of tearing the building down to make way for a parking lot. London offers Bartholet a drink leaving San Dimas alone in London’s office to gather incriminating evidence.

Later, in London’s office, waitress Lexi Swallow hits up Dirty Harry about London’s prostitution venture. This segues into Swallow briefly sucking on Harry’s cock until London arrives. Lexi scampers off. Eric John as one of the horny male clubbers, strikes out with San Dimas, so he decides to hit up Vicki Chase, who is already being fondled by Chad Diamond. It’s off to the bathroom for the horny real-life couple (Chase and John are married) for a quickie. This scene brings to mind Gregory Dark’s “Let Me Tell Yeah Bout Black Chicks” as various people, including Alana Evans, Bartholet, Afro D.J. High-Me and Veronica Vega, among others, wander in to use the surrounding toilets. Could have done without the loud farting sounds. Vicki Chase isn’t really my cup of tea; she’s an okay looking Latina, with long brown hair, a little flab, nice real boobs. She’s wearing white knee high leather boots. After a multi-position screw that goes on for too long, John busts his nut across Chase’s face. She licks the head of his dick only.

Lexi Swallow returns to finish what she started, sucking Dirty Harry’s cock in London’s office. After lickking her bush, Harry screws her doggy style and reverse cowgirl on London’s desk. Lexi at 5’7 seems to tower over Dirty Harry, and just about everyone else in the cast, making for some fun, clumsy sex.  The reverse cowgirl screw on a desk that is a little too small and messy, makes for some amusing few minutes. He gives her an open mouth facial and she cleans him off. 

Latina sexpot Cassandra Cruz is the next person to hit on Andy San Dimas at the club. Because Cruz is able to provide San Dimas with some information pertaining to the two missing girls, she is more open to taking up Cruz on her offer to lick her pussy. Seth Gamble, a former bartender, joins the pair at the hotel. Both girls double up on his cock. He screws Cruz (yellow high heels) first and then San Dimas (white knee high leather boots), as each girl licks the other in turn. San Dimas shuns her prudish character completely by licking Cruz’s anus as she rides Gamble. San Dimas hops on for some hot cowgirl sex. While screwing Cruz in reverse cowgirl, San Dimas yanks his cock out of her pussy and jerks him off across her stomach. She cleans his cock off. Cruz helps.

While gathering their clues back at the hotel, Lexi Swallow’s little sister, Chris (Heather Starlet) is brought on board to pose as a prostitute and infiltrate London’s sex trafficking ring. Starlet is okay-looking, has a nice enough body, long blonde hair and a 70s trashy quality about here. She fits in nicely here, and actually looks like the type of actress who probably would have been cast on the old television show. That night, London notices her dancing at the club and decides to audition her back in his office. Upon getting her to strip for him, London chloroforms her and brings to Los Angeles where he sells her off to Eric Swiss for four hundred dollars. Bartholet and Lexi manage to get inside London’s mansion by posing as employees form the gas company. There’s some silliness involving Bartholet farting incessantly, which hints at the punchline to the gas company joke, but isn’t funny. With Porno Dan and Marcus London watching, Heather and Eric Swiss fuck it out right there in the living room. He screws her in reverse cowgirl, missionary, doggy and cowgirl. Starlet seems to turned on and a little frazzled by the screw, while Swiss is as cool as a cucumber. She cleans his dick after he cums across her face and into her mouth.

In the end, the girls get their man (or men) and Heather Starlet is brought on board as the newest Angel. As it turns out, Lexi’s boyfriend was heading up London’s Los Angeles sex trafficking operation and Lexi is forced to put duty before love by slapping cuffs on him in the round-up. In a parting note, the Angels are informed by Charlie that he has a new case lined up for them. They will be going undercover as pornstars. Their excitement turns to gasps of horror when they are told that part of their next assignment will involve having to screw Ron Jeremy. In a hilarious turn, Ron Jeremy (last seen around here in “California Taboo“) himself turns up in the ending credit scroll to lament the producer’s decision not to include him in “Not Charlies Angels XXX” except for this final segment; as well, he doesn’t understand the dig at him. 

No condoms.

Dates of Production: 6/23/2010 to 6/30/2010

DVD Extras: The first disk has a cast commentary with Will Ryder, Andy San Dimas, Heather Starlet, and James Bartholet. Disk two has 18 trailers, a photo gallery, a behind the scenes featurette, a blooper reel, an interview with James Bartholet, a Director / Producer Travelogue which talks about how Randy Spears and Tommy Gunn both walked off the project. As well, there’s another Director / Producer Travelogue from Not Married with Children XXX. Last but not least, there’s a Director’s Reel in which Ryder discusses how he’s the king of the world, or some such shit. For bonus scenes, we have Madison Scott, Zeina Heart and Nicole Ray masturbating.

Cast & Crew

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