As a semi-spoof of other similar themed reality shows like ’Real World’, “Jersey Shore” is an MTV juggernaut that seems to revel in the stupidity and vaccuousness of its subjects. For those not in the know, for a few months in the summer, a camera crew follows around a group of young, juiced-up, narcisstic Jersey Guidos and Guidettes as they shack up together in a small beach house. Unlike much of the cast of ‘Real World’, who were sometimes too deep thinking, this pack of hooligans seems to exist soley to drink, party, fuck and fight. Actual brain activity is seemingly nonexistent amongst this crop of drooling mongoloids. Breaking up the nonsense, there’s plenty of serene straight-to-camera addresses in which the cast bare their souls about a particular topic, namely what company makes the best hair gel etc. Apparently these segments are designed to fulfill the dramatic requirement of the show which is, at its core, about as drained of real substance as any form of entertainment could be outside of Pro Wrestling. I guess it was only a matter of time before porn elected to parody it.

When I learned that veteran porn whore Taryn Thomas was set to not only star in, but also produce, a parody of the “Shore” for her Taryn It Up Entertainment, I made screening the film a priority. Yes, as I’ve said in the past, even with the weight fluctuations, constant battles with drugs, and her sometimes bizarre temperament, I’m still a huge fan of the Italian hottie. An article in AVN.com written by Peter Warren further cemented my adoration of the young lady. While in production on the parody, Taryn was told that Snooki was seen out wearing a ‘Porn Star in Training’ baseball cap. “Snooki shouldn’t wear a ‘Porn Star in Training’ hat if she doesn’t want to be in training … you can’t do double anal, you don’t roll in my crew!” Taryn apparently told Warren. Yes kids, I love that woman! 

So how’s the film, I hear you asking? Well, it’s friggin’ fist bumping good. Jim Enright (director of “Caught From Behind 17“) has been shooting porn since the late 80′s so he certainly knows what he’s doing. Shanna McCullough (last seen around here in “Living Doll“), another veteran of the smut screen since the 80′s, also worked as Production Manager on this affair. So, with all those trained hands doing the crafting, it’s no wonder the film is reminiscent of the good ol’ days of porn. The film, written by Luther King, feels less like a parody and more like something that was inspired by the ”Jersey Shore”, but that isn’t to say it’s a bad thing, just that it’s a different kind of film that I’m sure some will be expecting. What it is, for me, is a simple and fun movie that harkened back to a time in porn where everybody seemed to be enjoying themselves. From the first credit to the last, the performers are smiling, laughing and genuinely appear to be having a ball. The sex scenes are short, sweet and so goddamn hot – a nice contrast to the agonizingly long scenes that seem to be the standard today. Sorry but when a sex scene between two people pushes an hour, the fast forward button is typically a prominent fixture in that viewing experience. Here, the sex is tightly-edited and fast-paced – in keeping with the hyper-accelerated pacing of the show.  

In the first scene, John “Mike the Predicament” Espizedo catches his ex-girlfriend Dylan “Sammi” Ryder (long black hair, some belly flab, cute, big fake tits, shaved pussy — sexy tight shirt, big hoop earrings) making time with the buff Kevin Falk (credits: Memphis Blake), who plays Ronnie. He storms off in a huff to find a camera, while Falk and Ryder get down to business on the couch. While one reviewer I respect thought the scene had no chemistry, I saw it completely different. Exceptional was the first thing that popped into my head. Skipping the whole undressing part, we move into the oral stuff without missing a beat. She sucks his cock, which is already hard and ready to go. She follows up by hopping on for some enthusiastic reverse cowgirl. They move into some deep, hard missionary sex. That’s it for the muscular buck who pretty much fucks Dylan’s mouth until he busts off a nut across her tits, her face and into her open mouth. She thanks him with some post-cum head.

Taryn “Snooki” Thomas (last seen around here in “More Dirty Debutantes 302“), looking a little on the cubby side, hops out of the shower and finds Espizedo (last seen around here in “Bossy MILFS 4“) in her room. Sensing that he’s feeling dejected from earlier, she attempts to comfort him (in her exaggerated Josey drawl) by explaining the dangers of getting tied down. Then she shows him her shaved pussy. Yes! He likes what he sees and before long the two are going at it. She sucks/jerks him off, before laying back on the bed and taking a solid pussy thumping from Espizedo. She next hops on for some steamy reverse cowgirl action. “Show me how a Guido fucks!” Taryn barks, adding, “You fuck my juicy slot so good.” She blows him some more before we move into spoon. Taryn takes filthy talking to new heights here as she chats up her tattooed lover. “You like fucking Italian twat, huh?” Taryn mutters. He cums across her face and into her mouth to end the scene. She blows bubbles.

Later that night the entire cast head out to a night club to drink and dance away the night. Plenty of extras appear here un-credited in a fairly good (but too short) club scene. Wow, when was the last time I saw a club scene in a modern adult film? Veronica “Wow J” Rayne (long black hair, big fake tits, thin, very cute, shaved pussy — black high heels) and Johnny “Pauly” Castle scamper back to the house to get some undergarments.

Castle (last seen around here in “Pubic Enemy“) likes that she isn’t wearing any underwear under her black dress and once in her bedroom it doesn’t take long for the two to get it on. He licks her crack before sitting back to let her get a mouthful. They screw in missionary for a bit before they decide to spoon. The camera loves this position, or at least I did. “Oh my god, I love fucking you,” Rayne blurts. He cums across her shaved twat.

In a straight to camera address Taryn sums up the night she and Angela “Angelina” Aspen got it on, muttering, “I’m a slut.” It starts off with Taryn being woken by Aspen who is masturbating with a vibrator. Taryn hops into her bed to show her how to use it, and before long she’s dining on Aspen’s shaved twat. Aspen looks into it, as she grinds on Taryn, and then licks her twat. Thomas and Aspen both have huge grins on their face and they seem to love it. “Lick my dirty whore cunt,” Taryn whispers to her lover. Later, Taryn’s rapid hand work forces Aspen, who orders her to keep going, to snap to abrupt attention. Did she cum? I think so. Aspen appears to give Ms. Thomas a thank you gift as a beautiful love stain appears under her as she jolts up.

After that little bit of sweetness with Taryn, and with her motor still running, Angela Aspen decides to hook up with “juice-head” TJ “Vinny” Cummings the next morning. Apparently she’s got a man back home but, as she explains, “I’m a horny little Josey girl.” The couple are snuggling on a small sofa outside when they decide to get it on. Cummings eats/fingers her shaved twat and she sucks/gags him off before hopping on for some very sexy hard-pounding cowgirl. Aspen (wearing a silver bikini) can’t hide her love of the action, even when she’s near-puking on Cummings’ cock. They screw some more in spoon and reverse cowgirl. He fires off two good ropes across her face. She keeps her mouth open and even tries to catch some of it down her gullet. She gives him some post cum head.

It’s off to the club again for the finale, and this time Veronica Rayne finds herself on the receiving end of Taryn Thomas’s lusty advances. She explains how she’s not really into girls, but decides to make an exception. Their kissing action attracts the attention of the boys at the club, and before long they are heading back to the house for some private time. On their way out, Taryn clocks one of the gawkers. Hey, what would a “Jersey Shore” parody be without a fight?  That’s when John Espizedo arrives and decides to check it out. At the request of the gals, he soon joins them on the couch. After sharing his cock, Taryn sits back and frigs her clit as Espizedo and Rayne make love doggy-style. Soon it’s Taryn’s turn, and she takes it missionary. It’s a love story, though, and soon she’s moving across the couch, Espizedo following dick-in-hand, to lick Rayne’s twat. Rayne tastes his cock fresh outta Taryn and them hops on for some reverse cowgirl. It’s a good screw that ends when he spurts off a smallish load that the two ladies share.

Summing up my feelings about my film; I’m aware that most of my reviewing peers weren’t happy with the end result, but I was satisfied. Yes, some of the camera angles were unflattering but the sex was hot and everybody seemed to be having fun, and when it comes to porn, that’s all that matters. Great work Taryn and co.

No condoms were used.

Date of Production: January 15, 2010

DVD extras consisted mainly of photo galleries and some web-based stuff. During her promotional tour, Taryn appeared on the Howard Stern show plugging the film.

Cast & Crew

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