Continuing their trend of churning the bottomless pit of television shows to parody, Digital Sin returns with another winner, this time “The X-Files“ – a show that I have to admit, up until around the third season (when it jumped the shark with an alien bounty hunter episode), I was wholly addicted to. I consider myself a sci-fi/paranormal geek of epic porportions. The only thing to eclipse my love of everything science fiction is, of course, porn.  I was beyond thrilled to learn that Digital Sin director Sam Hain aka Bob Knobb was going to seriously attempt to parody “The X-Files” TV series, with all of its moody visuals, supernatural elements and interesting characters, I knew there would be much to work with — and, yes, I knew I was going to enjoy it.  Everything about this parody seems to work, from the casting, to the sex, to the lighting to the dreary and thoughtful storyline, one of which involves vampires, Satanists and resurrecting evil. Oh yeah, and there’s also a nod to the original series, namely with the blossoming romance between Scully and Mulder. However, this time that romance is consummated on screen. 

If ever a show seemed perfect for parody, it’s definitely “The X-Files” – with it’s outrageous storylines, and a wealth of extraordinary characters to pick through, how could any adult film producer go wrong? And according to the iafd.com, “The X-Files” is no stranger to being lampooned as a half dozen titles seemed to have been fashioned sending up the popular show over the years, including “XXX Files: Lust In Space”, “XXX Files”, “UFO X-files”, “Sex Files (Case 101) – The Orgy Experience” and “Mirage: For the XXX Files”.

In a pre-credit sequence, Ashlynn Brooke and Guy DaSilva are humping it out in a simulated sex number, that ends with Brooke doing some penetrating of her own, namely by sinking her fangs into DaSilva’s neck. Bingo, if you haven’t guessed already, she’s a vampire. Cue the creepy music and weird-image montage and a title heading that promises that “The Truth Will Be Reborn”. Huh?

This segues us into the story as Rod Fontana (last seen around here in “How Granny Got Her Groove Back”), playing the Walter Skinner character, informs FSA agents, Dana Scully (Kimberly Kane) and Fox Mulder (Anthony Rosano), that they are being sent to Los Angeles to investigate what might be a serial killer at work. When Mulder enquires about why they are being sent to look into such mundane matters, Skinner makes clear the paranormal aspects surrounding the homicides, namely occult-ish stuff being discovered at the various crime-scenes.

After they skedaddle, Rod Fontana sends for his secretary, Aurora Snow. Once in his office, Fontana informs her that he has a clear schedule and in keeping with porn workplace policy, they fuck it out. It’s hard to believe that Aurora has been spreading it for the camera for almost ten years now. She still looks great, and her ass and legs are still as toned as ever. One thing I noticed, however, is that she’s wearing her black dress around her waist, almost like a cumber bun, and I began to wonder if she’s intentionally hiding something. Maybe a tummy?

Doesn’t much matter I guess as she is still very appealing and the perma-grin/O-face she wears throughout, is adorable. Fontana, who is starting to look every bit of his 60-some years on the planet, seems to have no trouble keeping up with the much younger Snow, screwing her in a variety of positions, and even giving her asshole a workout. Before taking Fontana’s load to the face, and in her open mouth, Snow does some of her trademark anal gaping circus acts. Beautiful!

Upon examination of the most recent murder, Rosano and Kane make their way back to their hotel. This is where the film really gets its footing, doing something that most contemporary adult filmmakers are incapable of doing – building sexual tension.

Granted, it’s a tension that was cultivated on the tv series, here Hain is smart enough not to drop the ball. Just because it’s porn doesn’t mean that it has to suck. Where other filmmakers would have had Mulder and Scully fucking it out in scene 1 or 2, Hain is intelligent enough to know that such a scenario simply isn’t sexy.

He instead prolongs it, and builds upon it. In the hotel, Rosano wanders into Kane’s room and accidentally catches her coming out of the shower. She is slow to grab a towel, with leaves Rosano mumble-mouthed and retreating back to his room to work out his perked sexual needs by spanking it to some lesbian porn. Tory Lane and Taylor Vixen are the two dyke whores gracing the video and, in keeping, they go at it like fucking animals. It’s a cute little scene that features Tory taking four fingers in her cunt, and later returning the favour by bringing Taylor off while in the 69 position. The scene really gets hot when Taylor full-on jams her face into Tory’s pussy and goes to work. 

The next morning, Rosano and Kane land on the doorstep of Ralph Long, who, as it turns out, is some kind of cult leader. Rosano suspects that Long’s cult might have something to do with the murders and later that night, Rosano and Kane do a stake-out.

Later on that night, with nobody around and with all the essential plot pieces explained, the two FSA agents decide to break in and snoop around. In the basement they stumble upon what looks to be a shrine to Satan. 

Cut to the next scene in a nightclub as Audrey Bitoni, Ashlynn Brooke and Evan Stone go at it. Evan Stone is a fine performer but generally I find his scenes to be lacking, but here the two girls are hot enough to make it work somewhat. Audrey and contract girl Ashlynn seem genuinely into each other, and Stone seems to provide the cock in lieu of a dildo. The girls take turns humping him on the ground, in a chair and in all sorts of positions before he ends up shooting his genetic rubbish across their tits. Definitely the weakest scene of the lot. It seems kind of ironic that just moments later, Evan Stone is laying dead on an examination table with Kane performing an autopsy on him (poetic justice?). Amongst the bloodied remains, Kane discovers a fingernail — the final clue to the strange puzzle.

She’s able to arrive at Ralph Long’s house just in time to keep him from buggering a tied up Rosano. At gunpoint, he reveals the truth to Kane, that Brooke, the killer, is a demon named Lilith, summoned by him during a Satanic orgy. Of course, it’s that “orgy” (maybe sort-of reverse gangbang would be a more appropriate descriptive) that plays out as Charley Chase, Anjelica Raven, Gracie Glam and Jackie Daniels take on a very lucky Pike Nelson. While Charley keeps busy offering up a sloppy-as-fuck blowjob, the rest of the girls sit around rubbing on themselves and attempting to look interested. When Charley hops on for some steamy reverse cowgirl sex, things really heat up. Even the once-bored girls seem turned on watching a very sweaty and very animated Charley power fuck her man. Charley has a raspy-smoker’s voice (well earned from what I‘ve heard), and it sounds absolutely exquisite as she cusses and screeches her way through this intense screw. One of the girls, Gracie Glam, seems absolutely fixated on Charley and genuinely looks like she wants some of Ms. Chase for herself. Sadly, that’s not what director Knobb had in mind. Damn! Chase gets an open-mouth facial for her efforts, with the girls gathering around her.

Rosano and Kane eventually confront the demon in the basement, and in a hilarious shot (reminiscent of the old show), the pair scramble out of a darkened building (camera lagging mere feet behind), and make their getaway. If any scene in the film took back to the original, it was that one.

During a romantic wrap-up, Rosano visits Kane in the wee hours of the morning and tells her that he loves her.All that sexual tension gets worked out in the next ten minutes as the pair give the viewers something they so desperately want — a chance to see Scully and Mulder fuck, finally. Okay, I can’t tell you how unbelievably awesome it is to see build-up in porn, after years and years of boring, un-erotic, tension-lacking gonzo. When Rosano and Kane make love, it’s well-deserved and it’s hot! The chemistry is palpable. Even watching the pair strip, is sexy. If anything it made me nostalgiac for some of those great old eighties flicks from Pachard, Seven and all the great masters. Regardless, back to the scene at hand. “I want it so bad,” Kane tells Rosano, who screws her in reverse cowgirl, cowgirl, missionary and doggy-style before busting his nut across her face and into her open mouth. She even gives him some post-cum head. The sex is hot, frantic and exactly what I was hoping from a couple of pros. Was it Anderson and Duchovny hot? No, of course not, but it’s a nice stand-in.

What can I say about this film other than Bob Knobb’s attention to detail is simply amazing! So much time and energy has been put into this film, in every stage; including quite a bit of actual research into the occult. Sequences of Scully and Mulder wandering through darkened buildings, flashlight in hand, or being chased out of a building — these were trademarks of the show, and unbelievably, Knobb manages to work them into the movie. This porn-parody is a must-see!!!!

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